Friday, February 03, 2006

Crime scenes re-visited

I took an early disability retirement in 2004 because of cardiac problems. During the extensive medical examination to determine if I was disabled, the doctor told me that I have post tramatic stress disorder. At the time, I sort of dismissed this diagnosis as "crap". PTSD in my mind, was something that soldiers got after being in heavy combat. You know, they jump when a firecracker goes off behind them. My problem was different, I had sleep difficulty. I kept dreaming about my cases, and after a while, I wasn't getting much sleep. A slide show of all my cases would play over and over in my head. I took the medication prescribed by the doctor for this, and it seemed to go away. I took the meds for about six months, then quit, just one more medication I didn't think I needed. It worked. I was sleeping better and no further symptoms. Yesterday, I was driving in my car, and I started thinking about one of my cases. It is weird, I guess they will always be with me. Maybe the doctor was right, I do have PTSD. So far it hasn't effected my sleep again. Just like my cardiac problems, this is something I will have to live with. I guess it is really the least of my problems!


jellyhead said...

Hi Tuffenuf,

I think you know already how much respect I have for you, and for the police force in general. It's not surprising that some things stay with you - after all, you probably saw more upsetting things in a month of duty than most people will ever see in their lifetime.

If you look after yourself well, and get help if things ever start to get on top of you again, you'll still have a wonderful life ahead of you. You sound like you're pretty determined and strong. 'Tuff' even!

:) Jelly

TUFFENUF said...

Thanks Jelly!

Motherkitty said...

When things start getting whiggy, you should take a deep breath, exhale, kiss the ones you love most in this life, and then go shopping! Or, exercising. Or, read a good book. Or, take a bubblebath. Or, you could pet a pet (that always works wonders for me). Or, blog to us, your online friends (that ALWAYS works wonders for me). Beats sitting around getting all bent out of shape over something you have no control over.

When I lost my long-time job at our local health system, I whigged out for what seemed like forever. Then I said, fuggetaboutit, not worth the trouble. If you can't fix it or change it, not worth thinking about it.

Most of all, I understand.

TUFFENUF said...

Thanks, MK, it is nice to know that I have such nice blogfriends!